So, in my quest to “save” my marriage (are we really “there”?) I have been doing TONS of research and reading… primarily because I’ve tried doing things my husband has asked, without improvement, or there are things that I just can’t do (like control my feelings, because then I don’t show any and that makes me a “robot”)… which leaves me with reading and decoding things on my own. This is what I’ve determined:
1. Men want a woman to be independent… but not TOO independent.
2. Men want a woman that can make decisions on her own, as long as his opinion is a part of that decision.
3. Men want to fell needed (reference #1)
4. Men want women to initiate in the bedroom, however they will complain of lack of variety, so women are expected it to change-it-up as well.
5. Men want some mystery, but to be involved in your life.
6. Men want you to mother their child(ren), but don’t want it to be the prominent thing in your life.
7. Men want a woman to be spontaneous, as long as it’s something they want to do.
8. Men want guy time, no matter if you have something you want to do with them.
9. Men want a variety of dinners, but always say “I dunno” when asked what they want to eat.
10. Men want to be taken care of, but not “mothered”
11. Men want to do things, but don’t want a schedule
12. Men want to be encouraged, but not told what to do
13. Men want you to love them, but… I don’t know…
How the heck is anyone supposed to meet those needs?! I just don’t get it. Women are simple!!
1. Women want men to love them.
2. Women want men to participate in their lives.
3. Women want men to be active fathers.
4. Women want men to enjoy partaking in family activities.
5. Women want men to do the “manly” things around the house (fix stuff, maintain vehicles, etc.)
6. Women want men to believe them when they say “I’m too tired tonight,” because they really are too tired.
7. Women want their men to defend them when their parents/friends smack talk them.
8. Women want men to understand that they are pulled in 10 directions while trying to keep everyone else happy.
9. Women want men to love them, not because of the girlfriend they were, but because of the woman they’ve turned into.
10. Women want to feel like the most important person in their men’s lives.
You see? No hidden messages, no “I want this, but this way”, just plain and simple.
Which brings me to around to… how much of this is US related? I mean, is it just that I’m this total control freak and I have to have everything my way? I would like to think that I am flexible, and that my expectations are not unreasonable… I just don’t know anymore, and the seeds of self-doubt are definitely growing. Am I just not cut out for marriage?? IS it me? Maybe I am just not able to change, that I am what I’ve always been… my own worst enemy. I turn off too quickly and don’t turn back on because of pride. I am incapable of being wrong, because my logic guides me to wherever I go. Maybe I am not who he thought I was, maybe I tricked him because I was in a state of lust, maybe the only good that can come of this are the two little kids that I have waiting for me at home.
Heavy sigh.
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